She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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