these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
