I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
