You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
