I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize