I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dicks are not precious.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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