Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
