So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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