Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You took a bar mat shot.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
