I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
