You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize