Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
