We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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