I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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