.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
