two words...techno handjob
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are the jesus of drinking
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
