I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
