i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
