Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
