You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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