i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
