We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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