I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
