If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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