I didn't shave. On purpose
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
