come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize