You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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