is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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