I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
