Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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