This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The beer is more important than you right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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