that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
