It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
