i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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