i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
