i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
