I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
