I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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