dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
