I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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