he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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