put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
