Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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