So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I am morally bankrupt
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
