he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
