1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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