Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
