the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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