I think I just saw someone hide a body.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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