haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
