Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
