I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
