Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
