Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
