i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
