Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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