you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize