Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
