So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
