Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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