omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i out mim tonsoeep
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