I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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