It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
