It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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