We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
