Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
