I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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