I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize