I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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