Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
