Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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