Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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